Smile

A woman called her doctor to complain about her husband's snoring. "Is there anything you can do?" "Well, there is one operation that will cure your husband, but it's rather expensive. $1,000 plus $450 a month for 36 months." "My god!" exclaimed the woman, "that's like leasing a sports car!" "Hmm," the doctor murmured. "Too obvious, eh?"

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When we were on our way to the ski slopes, my friend's children decided to 'find me a man' by the end of the day.The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone -- and therefore, in their minds, single.
To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift.
As I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age asked, "Excuse me, but are you single?"
Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may have heard, I'm really not looking to get married."
He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the chair lift with."

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A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a postcard in his hand.
The old man said, "Sir, could you address this postcard for me?"
The man gladly did so, agreeing also to write a short message and sign the card for the man.
Finally, the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"
The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you just put, 'P.S. Please excuse the sloppy handwriting.'"
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Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked: "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."